Don't go there!!!!
Healthy emotional boundaries are areas where no one goes unless invited! That means physical as well as emotional. A boundary protects you. There are healthy and unhealthy boundaries. For instance, when someone insists that you take a gift when you really don't want it. Yes, they are being pushy, however, it is your right and responsibility to say NO! A boundary is a visible line that you draw to say to someone, "Don't go there!" You have the right to place that boundary wherever you want to.
NOW...Did you know that it is ok to have boundaries with your family members? Sometimes, it is even necessary! So what might happen if you say "NO" to your child? a spouse? a sister or brother? Well, they may learn how to take care of themselves and not depend on you for everything! Someone once said something like "instead of giving people a meal, show them how to cook" or something like that!
Some people just don't get it! When you give in and say OK, you move your boundary. YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR OWN BOUNDARIES!!!!! If you want to move them, ok, however, you do not have to. Just because you are in an intimate relationship does not mean you do not have any boundaries anymore! In fact, if you both maintain boundaries, the healthier your relationship becomes. When I have the option to disappoint someone then I am given the freedom to be real! I read that somewhere, in some self-help book!
ANYWAY...
...see if you can recognize what is healthy and what is not in the following scenarios:
- falling in love with anyone that reaches out
- touching a person without asking
- taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting
- giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving
- letting others direct your life
- directing others lives
THIS is just a brief overview of healthy and unhealthy boundaries. For more information, there are plenty of books available and there is always the option of seeing a therapist. A good one that knows what they are talking about.
Knowing what boundaries are and how and when to use them are aids to developing a good relationship with yourself first, then others.
