Is it really love?
What's love got to do with it? Sounds familiar to me. Let's talk about "love", my favorite subject. There have been so many poems, books and movies about what real love is. Who knows? Maybe the best answers could be found by asking couples that have been together for years and years. They seem to have the real answers. Anyway, let's take a look at it.
Too busy for love? Too busy to allow love in your life? I can not believe you are even thinking that!!! If life is too busy for you that you don't have time to allow love in your life, then you are just TOO BUSY!!!! STOP!!!!
This entire website is a focus on simple wellness. That means in all of your relationships. With your children, significant other, coworkers, neighbors and anyone you come into contact with on a daily basis. The trick is to BALANCE. That means more like a palm tree gently blowing in the breeze. As you focus on taking care of your self first, being healthy physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually you will be amazed how you will be able to attract the same!
It seems to me that loving our children is a very safe form of love. At least it is for me. We love each other no matter what. When they were very young, they depended on me as "mommy" to always be around them and know that I loved them. As they grew, they needed their independence, yet still needed to know that I loved them. Today, as grown men and no longer a need for a "mommy" to be around all the time, we know that love is there. This has always been an unconditional love and always will be. That is safe.
The poet Kahlil Gibran writes: "The best gifts to give your children are roots and wings."
The beautiful thing about a romantic relationship is that love isn't found or fallen into, it is co-created. I believe that one may "fall into" a pile of cow manure, not love!!! There are countless people who search for love as if they are searching for that "pot of gold". IT'S NOT THERE!!! I believe we don't find love, I believe we find one another and allow love to grow with nurturing. We all have choices and can pick who we have in our lives. Now, your picker may be a little off and you may need some adjusting there, however, that may be a topic for another page on that overused word "codependency". And if you have to WORK REAL HARD at a relationship, maybe a reevaluation is in order. I don't believe in giving up real easy, however, there comes a time when we need to let go. A good therapist can help you determine what to do.
Let's look at some unhealthy attitudes:
- You see the other person as being perfect.
- You spend all your time with them.
- You "fall" after just a few dates.
- Your other relationship with family and friends seem to become less important.
- Quarrels become more and more frequent.
- You have frequent feelings of jealously.
Let's look at some healthy attitudes:
- You can see the other person's character defects.
- You still make time for family and other friendships.
- After a few dates, you feel good about this new relationship, however, it is not love yet!
- Having a different opinion on things makes conversations interesting.
- Jealousy is a feeling you not experiencing.
There are a few things love isn't. Although real love is often accompanied by strong feelings, love is not defined by the thought of "I can hardly wait to be with them again". That excitement may just be your libido kicking in! That is healthy! This is good! And essential in a lasting and healthy relationship. However, a love relationship can not be based on "libido" only. Unlike the type of love that "happily ever after" movies and songs portray, people in love don't always feel ooey gooey around each other. A relationship wouldn't last long on emotions only. In fact, communication is the basis of a healthy relationship. Although some on you may think a difference of opinion is not healthy, they actually open up the way for real intimacy. Accepting our partner for their differences is showing a lot of love!
Here is something to go HUMMMMM about: There is only one person for me in this entire world! There has been only one true love in my life and I won't ever love anyone like that again! You may be a little egotistical to believe that out of a "world of people", there is only ONE that you can choose to love! Again, love is a choice. Of course you will not love in the same way! We are all different! I do hope that if you have really "loved" and lost, you will allow yourself to "really love" again! What a great gift to share with another human being!
